Complete and Utter Lunacy

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) had lunch recently with some friends (who also shall remain nameless) who work at a major label (which shall also remain nameless for the purpose of this post).

So my friend is having lunch, and his former colleagues are dishing the inside dirt about one of the divisions at this particular label.  Apparently, one SVP and the EVP of a major division is touting the following completely insane, high on crack idea as a major future revenue earner from a licensing perspective.

Many labels and music publishers make some nice revenue licensing master recordings to greeting card makers such as Hallmark to be used in musical greeting cards.  The synergy between the emotional content of music and the emotional content of the greeting card is one of the true win-wins you can find from a licensing perspective.  And sound chips are also used in many toys and novelty items.

So what's the new game changer being touted by this particular label on the sound chip front?  From what I hear the idea is to embed a chip in a bank checkbook.  Yes, that's right.  You read correctly: a bank checkbook.  So let me dissect the myriad reasons why this is the most asinine music licensing idea I've ever heard of, and why anyone touting this idea as any type of serious revenue opportunity should be laughed out the door.

1. Whose mood can be lifted by music... while in the act of writing a check?  Think about this; are you ever in a good mood writing a check?  Can music, even really good music, take away from the fact you are watching your money fly into the hands of a despised debtor?
2. Don't you throw checkbooks away when they are used up?
3. Considering the world of bill payment is so easily done online these days - who writes checks anymore?  You don't even see people using checks in stores anymore, thanks to Debit/Checking Cards.  It's chasing after a dying market.  Consumer habits are changing and using new technologies.  Even if you're on board with the underlying belief this is a proper licensing tool for labels and publishers - and I am wholeheartedly NOT on that bandwagon - this idea seeks to grow a revenue stream off a declining method of payment.
4. What is the magic, mellifluous tune one would choose to have as their "checkbook tune?"  "Taxman?"  "Big Spender?"  "Can't Buy Me Love?"  "Sympathy for the Devil?"  I could go on here, but you get the point.  No artist worth their salt is going to risk their rep on a licensing opportunity on this product... Okay - except Gene Simmons.
5. Won't people witnessing a check writer with a musical checkbook give weird looks to that person?  Not just weird looks - "Your checkbook is playing music and it's freaking me out" looks.  Do we need to further socially stigmatize the check writer?

Like I said - I heard about this third-hand, but I know the tellers of this tale and have no reason to doubt their veracity.  They see how insane and desperate the major labels have become.  I am begging all of you - if you hear tangible evidence of this idea coming to fruition - please give it the public flogging it deserves.

Comments

[Anony Mous]

I could fully see Hallmark bringing this idea to us in the early 90s in their card stores for a very niche audience. But to approach this as a viable money maker for the music biz in this decade seems absurd. It almost seems as though it has to be a joke submission during a brainstorming session.

[Peter Kohan]

Dear Anony Mous:

given the level of desperation and gallows humor operating at major labels these days it could be either: a desperate grasp for any opportunity, OR an urban myth. But since I know the people relaying the story I'll go with desperate grasp.

[Metboy]

This sounds real, just for the fact that checkbooks are completely out of date, just like the people who run the music industry. In 1990, this would be much more relevant. Not in 2008.